All over the internet, and thus all over the world, you can see evidence of people having the attitude that poor people wouldn't be poor if they didn't want to. *Rolls eyes* That might be true of somethings, say, like being a judgmental jerk, but if that were true, poverty would be eradicated! Seriously! I can promise you I don't want to be poor, where's my magical way out NOW that I've decided that?
I've heard people talk about that anecdotal hobo who would rather live on the streets than be in a cubicle, but I have yet to meet him. On the other hand, I've met scores of people down on their luck, with no pride left, struggling and hoping and praying for change. Working jobs they certainly don't want to, wearing tattered clothes they don't want to, eating expired food they don't want to, just to make it. If you are that person - that realized you were poor one day, and decided that you didn't want to be anymore, and changed your circumstances in less than a year, please let the rest of us now how you did it.
Now, all humans tend to make excuses. Even poor people make excuses, but not any more than anyone else. For the sake of this post, I'd like to define reasons and excuses, as I see them.
Reason - A truthful fact that cannot be changed or avoided.
I'm late because my car broke down.
There's really nothing you can do about that.
Excuse - May or may not be true, but if it is, it can be changed or avoided if you wanted to. Used to elicit sympathy.
I'm late because I kept turning off my alarm clock because I slept so bad last night, and then I had to stop and get gas, and I had to get some breakfast but the line at McD's was super long.
All may be true, but if you hadn't kept turning off you alarm, you would have had time for all the rest. It could have been avoided, but you're trying to get sympathy to avoid conflict.
Therefore, a lot of people think that low income people are constantly making excuses for being poor, instead of having legitimate reasons. There absolutely are tons of humans in this world that will use excuses to not have to do the things they should, but they are certainly not concentrated in one income bracket or another (at least in my opinion/experience).
I'm going to share with you my reasons, and my excuses (yes there are a few) for being in this financial state my family and I are in.
I'm going to completely disregard any factors that came before my adulthood, such as where I grew up or parent's income or any of that. These are the reasons and excuses that effect my life since independence.
Trisha's reasons for being poor:
*Due to me and my 1st baby's health, I had to be at home with her for the first 6 months after she was born.
*When she was 3, I had a routine surgery that turned into a health disaster - I was in the hospital for a month, had months of recovery and multiple surgeries and procedures.
*I was "laid off" from my job while I was in the hospital.
*Shortly after leaving the hospital, I divorced my husband. (I don't care what anyone says, that was unavoidable. Circumstances.) This left my credit in really bad shape due to joint debts.
*Even after I was "fixed", I still had health problems that cost lots of money to treat and made working hard. I couldn't go back to school yet because of my poor health and lack of money.
*After returning to work, I was only able to work about 6 months before my health started deteriorating again. (luckily though at this point is where my now husband came into the picture and started supporting us.)
I had to quit working while I figured out what was going on. Lots of doctor's visits and bills before the reason was discovered.
*I had to travel to a larger city 6 1/2 hrs. away from my home for doctor's visits, and ultimately for surgery. All of this used up any extra money my husband made, put us behind on bills, and damaged our credit.
*After my dear, sweet second child was born, she had some kind of sleep trouble the doctor's couldn't figure out. I was getting 2-4 hours of sleep a night. I couldn't function. Work and school were out of the question. I had periods of hallucinations, from exhaustion. This lasted until she was 16 months old (and her sleep STILL sucks sometimes).
Trisha's Number One Reason For Being Below The Poverty Line: Poor health and doctor bills.
Trisha's excuses for being poor:
*I did not do anything while young to establish any kind of credit history.
*During college, I worked a lot of small, short duration jobs, not really gaining any experience and messing up my resume'.
*I never made saving money a priority.
*I got pregnant 5 months after getting married, and I didn't go back to college while pregnant. We still didn't prioritize a savings account.
*I didn't go back to work after my child was stable, or back to college, because I wanted to be home with her. I didn't return to work until she was 3. I still didn't put anything in savings.
*After finally being well enough to work, I did not look for/gain anything but seasonal employment for about 6 more months. Now I had a really crappy work history, no degree, and no real experience in anything but retail. Still no savings.
*I worked only 6 months before getting sick again. I returned to work 3 months later, and promptly found out I was pregnant again. After finding out I was pregnant, I once again put school on hold. I only worked 4 months before quitting due to pregnancy issues. Didn't put away any money in savings.
*It's only been about 3 months since my baby's sleep issues have gotten tolerable. I have obviously not returned to school or work yet.
*We have never concentrated on saving money, even when we were able.
*We moved across country 2 months ago. (Yes it was for my husband's work, but there may have been other options.) This took all our savings, and my husband cashed out his 401k.
*Through sicknesses and surgeries, and babies and moving, we have allowed our credit to go to absolute crap from unpaid bills and broken contracts.
*I don't want to go back to work full time until my littlest is older.
Trisha's Number One Excuse For Being Below The Poverty Line: Not prioritizing savings or credit.
I have reasons for being low income that cannot be helped. But I certainly don't want to be poor, so I can take steps to make sure I have fewer excuses for it too. Some of my excuses were made out of ignorance, but they were still technically avoidable.
So, I actually think this was a good exercise for me. I definitely see a repeating theme in my excuses. No savings, and bad credit! Ok, so hey, I have some definite things to focus on that might help us out of this mess!! I can work on keeping those to things from being a continual excuse. I mean, I've always known that savings and credit were issues, but seeing them over and over - when I could change it!! - why wouldn't I?? Seeing it in black and white gives me a focus for change.
If you're in the same boat as us, I encourage you to make a similar list. Be brutally honest with yourself. Really ask if a circumstance was avoidable or changeable. If it wasn't unpreventable, it's an excuse. Maybe you'll gain some insight. I hope in doing this you can find a focus to help your family out as well.
In a future post I will outline what I plan to do about the excuses I can change, because really I need to do more research first. I'm not sure how to fix my credit without more money!
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Sunday, December 29, 2013
One Way Having (No) Money Changes Relationships
We've all heard the anecdote that when you have or get a lot of money, you're relationships suffer. Suddenly everyone wants a hand out, and gets mad when you don't hand one over. The amount of money that you have available to you has negatively impacted your relationships. I think however, that the amount of money not available to you has the same effect.
Last night, in a frenzy of disappointed writing, I wrote a post about a close family member whom I am having relationship trouble with. I'm glad I didn't post it.
However! After re-reading it, I did find some insights relevant to my chosen topic.
Not every single thing in life is affected by your money or lack of, but having a lack of it has consequences for things you would never even expect. Poor people's relationships suffer,and not just from the stigma of being poor -I think poor people are way more likely to have relationships negatively affected by their income.
Can I put a value on that, a percentage to compare? Of course not, this is simply my opinion from living it and seeing it around me.
I'm certain this is going to seem like a high school math word problem, but just stick with me a minute if you can.
In my first example, a married couple. His wife is over-tired after getting up with the baby all night and picking up after herself, her husband, and two kids all the time. Her feelings are sensitive today, demonstrated by the fact that she is grumpy and on the verge of tears constantly. He happens at some point to make a joking remark that hurts her tender feelings, and he is instantly remorseful when she begins balling. She closes herself in the bedroom and won't talk to him, but he has to leave for work. So he goes.
What would a typical man do to soothe his wife and make her happy again, even though he can't really talk to her long enough to sort things out? He might call her on his break, and apologize. He might go further, and bring her home flowers, and promise to get her a babysitter this weekend so he can take her out for a night or fun and relaxation away from the house drudgery.
In my second example are two childhood best friends who have grown up together. One moves away to go to college, far enough away that it isn't easy to see each other. They don't talk nearly as much now, they don't ever get to hang out, and both are busy with school work and university life. The one who left the state for school has the more sensitive feelings, and she is hurt at the lack of attention the other has given her. She is all but sure her friend doesn't care anymore.
What might a typical friend do let the other person know they are still good friends and still think of them often, even though they don't get to talk much? She would certainly make an effort to call more often, email more often, etc. She would send her friend some special gifts and a card or her birthday and holidays. Occasionally she would send her something small randomly, with a small note saying "Sorry we haven't talked much lately, I've got so much going on! Still thinking of you though, will call soon!" They would make plans for one to fly to the other so they could spend summer break together catching up and having fun. and keeping their friendship strong.
Sadly, a person who is really struggling financially, who is below the tolerable living line and maybe even below the poverty line, can't do these typical things. Sure, relationships shouldn't center on what you can buy each other, and most don't, but actions definitely speak louder than words sometimes. A lot of people have those actions available to them to patch things up quickly and keep relationships stable - low income people don't.
The low income husband's pre-paid phone has very few minutes left, so he just leaves his wife a quick apology. He can't bring home flowers, that's at least $15 out of their money. That $15 would be 1/4 of their grocery budget. They can't afford a babysitter, and they certainly can't afford to give the wife a night out. They're barely affording food and diapers.
The low income college student has a pre-paid phone as well, but no laptop to email with. She has to use the library, which is always packed. She is going to school on grants and loans because her parents are low income too, but it doesn't quite cover all her tuition, so she has a part time job as well to buy food and do laundry etc. She doesn't have the money to buy her friend any gifts, barely has enough for an envelope and a stamp. She's been eating ramen with ketchup packets all week. She's stuck back in their hometown, and there's no way her or her parents can afford a plane ticket for her to go see her friend during the summer. She won't have the money next summer either.
There are a bazillion other examples I could give that I have experienced in my life.
I'm sure someone will point out there are some communication issues in both relationships - of course there are. There are communication issues in any relationship regardless of income. I'm simply trying to point out how having some monetary wiggle room HELPS preserve the relationships that are important to you. Myself, and others like me, are pretty much left to using just our words to patch things up, and sometimes the other person is less than receptive. I really think that leaves us more likely to be isolated, and with less support due to broken relationships.
And don't even get me started on how much strain it causes if you ever have to ask family for money...
To this special person of mine, a heartfelt message:
I wish I didn't have to keep a close eye on my texts and phone minutes so I don't go over, so I could call you all the time. I wish I didn't always have a screaming toddler in the background, so we could have more meaningful conversations. I wish I had the money to send you gifts, just so you know I'm thinking of you even when we don't talk. I wish I had money to spoil you on your birthday and holidays, and I'm sorry I haven't sent your birthday present from October yet. I don't know when I'll be able to. I wish I could have bought and sent you a Christmas present. I wish I could buy you flowers and send you a sincere apology and have you forgive me. I wish I always had a working computer and internet connection since that is the way you prefer to talk. I wish I could come see you often or bring you to me so you can see your nieces too.
But I have no money for any of that, and apparently, our relationship suffers as a result. I am so deeply sorry that my crappy financial situation hinders me from really letting you know how special you are to me. I'm sorry, because for now I'm stuck here, and I can only hope our relationship survives until I'm able to tend it better.
I'm going to send her an email since for now I have both a computer and internet. It is all I can do. Wish me luck.
If you have a family member, or a friend, who you're having a bad time with, please look at it from both sides of the coin.
Call or write that person if that's all you can do, but you should do something. And if you're on the other side, understand that you could be unaware of their true circumstances, and maybe they're doing all they can, and maybe you could forgive them a little bit.
Last night, in a frenzy of disappointed writing, I wrote a post about a close family member whom I am having relationship trouble with. I'm glad I didn't post it.
However! After re-reading it, I did find some insights relevant to my chosen topic.
Not every single thing in life is affected by your money or lack of, but having a lack of it has consequences for things you would never even expect. Poor people's relationships suffer,and not just from the stigma of being poor -I think poor people are way more likely to have relationships negatively affected by their income.
Can I put a value on that, a percentage to compare? Of course not, this is simply my opinion from living it and seeing it around me.
I'm certain this is going to seem like a high school math word problem, but just stick with me a minute if you can.
In my first example, a married couple. His wife is over-tired after getting up with the baby all night and picking up after herself, her husband, and two kids all the time. Her feelings are sensitive today, demonstrated by the fact that she is grumpy and on the verge of tears constantly. He happens at some point to make a joking remark that hurts her tender feelings, and he is instantly remorseful when she begins balling. She closes herself in the bedroom and won't talk to him, but he has to leave for work. So he goes.
What would a typical man do to soothe his wife and make her happy again, even though he can't really talk to her long enough to sort things out? He might call her on his break, and apologize. He might go further, and bring her home flowers, and promise to get her a babysitter this weekend so he can take her out for a night or fun and relaxation away from the house drudgery.
In my second example are two childhood best friends who have grown up together. One moves away to go to college, far enough away that it isn't easy to see each other. They don't talk nearly as much now, they don't ever get to hang out, and both are busy with school work and university life. The one who left the state for school has the more sensitive feelings, and she is hurt at the lack of attention the other has given her. She is all but sure her friend doesn't care anymore.
What might a typical friend do let the other person know they are still good friends and still think of them often, even though they don't get to talk much? She would certainly make an effort to call more often, email more often, etc. She would send her friend some special gifts and a card or her birthday and holidays. Occasionally she would send her something small randomly, with a small note saying "Sorry we haven't talked much lately, I've got so much going on! Still thinking of you though, will call soon!" They would make plans for one to fly to the other so they could spend summer break together catching up and having fun. and keeping their friendship strong.
Sadly, a person who is really struggling financially, who is below the tolerable living line and maybe even below the poverty line, can't do these typical things. Sure, relationships shouldn't center on what you can buy each other, and most don't, but actions definitely speak louder than words sometimes. A lot of people have those actions available to them to patch things up quickly and keep relationships stable - low income people don't.
The low income husband's pre-paid phone has very few minutes left, so he just leaves his wife a quick apology. He can't bring home flowers, that's at least $15 out of their money. That $15 would be 1/4 of their grocery budget. They can't afford a babysitter, and they certainly can't afford to give the wife a night out. They're barely affording food and diapers.
The low income college student has a pre-paid phone as well, but no laptop to email with. She has to use the library, which is always packed. She is going to school on grants and loans because her parents are low income too, but it doesn't quite cover all her tuition, so she has a part time job as well to buy food and do laundry etc. She doesn't have the money to buy her friend any gifts, barely has enough for an envelope and a stamp. She's been eating ramen with ketchup packets all week. She's stuck back in their hometown, and there's no way her or her parents can afford a plane ticket for her to go see her friend during the summer. She won't have the money next summer either.
There are a bazillion other examples I could give that I have experienced in my life.
I'm sure someone will point out there are some communication issues in both relationships - of course there are. There are communication issues in any relationship regardless of income. I'm simply trying to point out how having some monetary wiggle room HELPS preserve the relationships that are important to you. Myself, and others like me, are pretty much left to using just our words to patch things up, and sometimes the other person is less than receptive. I really think that leaves us more likely to be isolated, and with less support due to broken relationships.
And don't even get me started on how much strain it causes if you ever have to ask family for money...
To this special person of mine, a heartfelt message:
I wish I didn't have to keep a close eye on my texts and phone minutes so I don't go over, so I could call you all the time. I wish I didn't always have a screaming toddler in the background, so we could have more meaningful conversations. I wish I had the money to send you gifts, just so you know I'm thinking of you even when we don't talk. I wish I had money to spoil you on your birthday and holidays, and I'm sorry I haven't sent your birthday present from October yet. I don't know when I'll be able to. I wish I could have bought and sent you a Christmas present. I wish I could buy you flowers and send you a sincere apology and have you forgive me. I wish I always had a working computer and internet connection since that is the way you prefer to talk. I wish I could come see you often or bring you to me so you can see your nieces too.
But I have no money for any of that, and apparently, our relationship suffers as a result. I am so deeply sorry that my crappy financial situation hinders me from really letting you know how special you are to me. I'm sorry, because for now I'm stuck here, and I can only hope our relationship survives until I'm able to tend it better.
I'm going to send her an email since for now I have both a computer and internet. It is all I can do. Wish me luck.
If you have a family member, or a friend, who you're having a bad time with, please look at it from both sides of the coin.
Call or write that person if that's all you can do, but you should do something. And if you're on the other side, understand that you could be unaware of their true circumstances, and maybe they're doing all they can, and maybe you could forgive them a little bit.
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Poverty Climb: Weekly Progress #2
Due to it being Christmas week, any and all progress made this week has been solely due to the generosity of others. Never underestimate what a small bit of help can do for a family that is struggling! The gifts we received for Christmas have a much bigger impact than I think the giver's could anticipate.
*We got nice clothes. We can look more presentable, and feel better about ourselves. Coupled with my new haircut, I feel like a brand new woman, and certainly don't look as poor as I actually am. It is amazing the difference in getting a few nice things to wear can make. I don't have to be embarrassed! Oh and that included SHOES!! My holey, stinky ones are going in the trash today, and I will not miss them one bit.
*My littlest got new toy, interactive toys. Oh my goodness, have you ever been around a toddler who didn't have many toys? They get into trouble from boredom or need constant attention - not that that's a bad thing, just impossible to accomplish when the house needs cleaned or dinner needs to be cooked, or another family member needs attention. Now I can distract her for a little while and get some more things done with fewer tears. (And maybe she won't cry as much either. :p) She has really needed a bit more stimulation, and I'm so happy to have some things for her to help her brain and imagination grow.
*We got tons of left overs. Most of it is sweets, but we did get a huge container of fresh veggies and some dried fruit as well. We have eaten more of those these last few days than we have the cookies. I think we still have one more day worth of veggies to eat. We are glad to have everything though - so many treats we don't normally get, and a little extra to eat for dessert if anyone is still hungry after dinner. Delicious, yummy calories to stuff into my little one so she sleeps better at night (she is a picky eater and sometimes wakes up hungry - here, have some butter cookies!). And this means less money spent on groceries this week so we can spend it on gas, since getting pre-paid phones started cost way more than we expected.
*We got this here laptop - it is tiny, but it is made of gold as far as I am concerned. I can keep looking for jobs/babysitters/work at home opportunities and try to make a little money. Maybe at some point even make this blog profitable (I was denied for Ad Sense due to lack of content/traffic).
*I received some paperwork in the mail that I need for my food stamp case, found my rent receipt, and now I just need a bank statement to have it all completed.
*We paid our second-to-last loan payment. We have just one more. Just one more, and we will have an extra $150 a month! It will be awhile before we are able to put it in the banks as savings but at least maybe we can catch up on bills. I don't even remember what it feels like to not have at least one bill past due.
So there, there's been a little progress! In fact, at this point, if we're not going backwards, then it's progress. We've spent too much time losing ground, if we can just hang on, eventually we can start moving forward.
*We got nice clothes. We can look more presentable, and feel better about ourselves. Coupled with my new haircut, I feel like a brand new woman, and certainly don't look as poor as I actually am. It is amazing the difference in getting a few nice things to wear can make. I don't have to be embarrassed! Oh and that included SHOES!! My holey, stinky ones are going in the trash today, and I will not miss them one bit.
*My littlest got new toy, interactive toys. Oh my goodness, have you ever been around a toddler who didn't have many toys? They get into trouble from boredom or need constant attention - not that that's a bad thing, just impossible to accomplish when the house needs cleaned or dinner needs to be cooked, or another family member needs attention. Now I can distract her for a little while and get some more things done with fewer tears. (And maybe she won't cry as much either. :p) She has really needed a bit more stimulation, and I'm so happy to have some things for her to help her brain and imagination grow.
*We got tons of left overs. Most of it is sweets, but we did get a huge container of fresh veggies and some dried fruit as well. We have eaten more of those these last few days than we have the cookies. I think we still have one more day worth of veggies to eat. We are glad to have everything though - so many treats we don't normally get, and a little extra to eat for dessert if anyone is still hungry after dinner. Delicious, yummy calories to stuff into my little one so she sleeps better at night (she is a picky eater and sometimes wakes up hungry - here, have some butter cookies!). And this means less money spent on groceries this week so we can spend it on gas, since getting pre-paid phones started cost way more than we expected.
*We got this here laptop - it is tiny, but it is made of gold as far as I am concerned. I can keep looking for jobs/babysitters/work at home opportunities and try to make a little money. Maybe at some point even make this blog profitable (I was denied for Ad Sense due to lack of content/traffic).
*I received some paperwork in the mail that I need for my food stamp case, found my rent receipt, and now I just need a bank statement to have it all completed.
*We paid our second-to-last loan payment. We have just one more. Just one more, and we will have an extra $150 a month! It will be awhile before we are able to put it in the banks as savings but at least maybe we can catch up on bills. I don't even remember what it feels like to not have at least one bill past due.
So there, there's been a little progress! In fact, at this point, if we're not going backwards, then it's progress. We've spent too much time losing ground, if we can just hang on, eventually we can start moving forward.
Shower Of Generosity
OK, so the big news - I have a laptop again, so I can continue blogging! It was given to me by a family member that does not know about this blog, but does know we are struggling. She wasn't using it and had received is as a gift years prior. When we mentioned that our littlest had killed ours with a glass of water, she instantly offered it to us. I am so humbled with appreciation. Not only to receive such an "expensive" thing as a gift, but more so because of what it allows me to do - pay bills, look for jobs, communicate with family, and recently, to have my catharsis writing this blog.
I sincerely hope that someday when we are much better off, I can show this to her and let her know that she gifted me one of the vehicles that got us there. Please, please, please...
Christmas this year was so far above what we expected, and all due to the generosity of our family. Since we moved here in October, this is the first Christmas we (I and my children) have gotten to spend with my husband's family. They really MADE it Christmas for us, and especially for my children. The littlest of course won't remember, but my oldest had a Christmas like she'd never had before, with literally PILES of gifts.
There were so many gifts around the tree, and it was so prettily decorated, that it must have looked like Santa's own to her. There was so much food, and ten different kinds of cookies, and oreo truffles. But most importantly, there were so many of her favorite people. With the party going on around her and the other kids looking for their names under the tree, she was sitting at the table playing tic-tac-toe with her uncle and cousin. Later on of course, she was squealing in on overload of delight as she ripped off wrapper after wrapper, but I just really thought those two moments were so sweet.
Our family was overly generous to my husband and I too, and we were very happy with all we received. We both got some new (nice!) clothes and some home items. My husband got a gift card to his kind of toy store and spent two hours in delight spending it. Not only that, but we got to take home tons of left overs!
But personally, here were my favorite gifts:
*My husband laughing hysterically (gasping with tears streaming down his face) at a homemade ornament his sister gave him. It had googly eyes, and I guess just how silly it looked really tickled him. He will keep it forever.
*My father-and-mother-in-law saying that one of THEIR best gifts, was having me in the family, and loving and making their son happy. /sniff
*Watching my oldest child making the memory of the best Christmas she's ever had.
This is what Christmas is about. This is where the joy comes from. This is what people mean when they say the best things in life are free.
To all those who gave of themselves this Christmas, but especially to my family - Thank you so much. You have touched us deeply with your generosity and have given us so much that we wouldn't get otherwise. We cannot thank you enough.
No matter where you fall on the income line, I hope yours was a wondrous and joyous Christmas and that you made some really priceless memories with your family. Those are the only gifts you will remember, and the only ones that matter.
I sincerely hope that someday when we are much better off, I can show this to her and let her know that she gifted me one of the vehicles that got us there. Please, please, please...
Christmas this year was so far above what we expected, and all due to the generosity of our family. Since we moved here in October, this is the first Christmas we (I and my children) have gotten to spend with my husband's family. They really MADE it Christmas for us, and especially for my children. The littlest of course won't remember, but my oldest had a Christmas like she'd never had before, with literally PILES of gifts.
There were so many gifts around the tree, and it was so prettily decorated, that it must have looked like Santa's own to her. There was so much food, and ten different kinds of cookies, and oreo truffles. But most importantly, there were so many of her favorite people. With the party going on around her and the other kids looking for their names under the tree, she was sitting at the table playing tic-tac-toe with her uncle and cousin. Later on of course, she was squealing in on overload of delight as she ripped off wrapper after wrapper, but I just really thought those two moments were so sweet.
Our family was overly generous to my husband and I too, and we were very happy with all we received. We both got some new (nice!) clothes and some home items. My husband got a gift card to his kind of toy store and spent two hours in delight spending it. Not only that, but we got to take home tons of left overs!
But personally, here were my favorite gifts:
*My husband laughing hysterically (gasping with tears streaming down his face) at a homemade ornament his sister gave him. It had googly eyes, and I guess just how silly it looked really tickled him. He will keep it forever.
*My father-and-mother-in-law saying that one of THEIR best gifts, was having me in the family, and loving and making their son happy. /sniff
*Watching my oldest child making the memory of the best Christmas she's ever had.
This is what Christmas is about. This is where the joy comes from. This is what people mean when they say the best things in life are free.
To all those who gave of themselves this Christmas, but especially to my family - Thank you so much. You have touched us deeply with your generosity and have given us so much that we wouldn't get otherwise. We cannot thank you enough.
No matter where you fall on the income line, I hope yours was a wondrous and joyous Christmas and that you made some really priceless memories with your family. Those are the only gifts you will remember, and the only ones that matter.
Monday, December 23, 2013
And so it goes...
Well, my laptop has died. It died a dark, beeping death. It's been coming for awhile, but I was just hoping it would hang on for awhile longer. Like, another year.
We have no money to fix it, no money to pay for recovery of pictures and memories, and no money to buy another.
I don't know what it means for this blog. I'm painstakingly typing this out on mobile but I'm switching to a dumb phone in 2 days. I'm going to try to find a way to go the the church computer lab, but understand that it will probably be a few days before I'm back.
Ug. I seriously wish this hadn't happened. It makes me feel a whole lot less positive about things. I hope I'm wrong.
I hope you all have a wonderful, meaningful Christmas and a happy and healthy 2014.
We have no money to fix it, no money to pay for recovery of pictures and memories, and no money to buy another.
I don't know what it means for this blog. I'm painstakingly typing this out on mobile but I'm switching to a dumb phone in 2 days. I'm going to try to find a way to go the the church computer lab, but understand that it will probably be a few days before I'm back.
Ug. I seriously wish this hadn't happened. It makes me feel a whole lot less positive about things. I hope I'm wrong.
I hope you all have a wonderful, meaningful Christmas and a happy and healthy 2014.
What Christmas Is Like For The Poor
The Bad: (I will always try to end on the positive notes.)
We are constantly trying to find a new way to say "We don't have the money". For that tree, that wreath, that gift you want to give your friend, the tray of crystal-y Christmas cookies.
We can't participate in any gift exchanges - at work, at church, or even among our extended family. Sure, we get a gift in return, but what you don't realize is we would just do without a gift and put that money somewhere we need it more. Like a gift for our child. Or you know, food.
We completely avoid the Christmas and toy isles when we go shopping. If your kids can't see it, they won't know what they're missing.
Our Christmas tree was a gift, or there wouldn't be one. Perhaps it's a cheap tinsel triangle stapled to the wall. The ornaments were a gift, or we made them.
We have no wreath on our door. We might have a red bow, but only because it was 25 cents at Goodwill.
We don't send Christmas cards, because we can't afford the cards, envelopes, and stamps. Grandma & Grandpa may get one, but everyone else is left wondering why we don't send any year after year.
When our kids write a list to Santa, we feel obligated to explain over and over again that Santa will only bring one thing off that list. You hope that there is something cheap on there. If there isn't, you sit them down and make them write out every single last tiny thing they can think of...yes, a pencil sharpener is one of my daughter's gifts this year.
If our kids get gifts, they get one from "Santa" or they are donated. If we're doing better than usual, there might be several things from Goodwill.
IF our kids still believe in Santa, they wonder why he brings other kids so much more.
Our kids lose their belief in Santa sooner, because there are better years, and there are worse years. In worse years, destroying that belief is a better option than making them believe they were so bad, Santa didn't bring them anything.
Our gifts are wrapped in paper bags, recycled gift wrap, or in re-used gift bags. Gone are the days presents are wrapped so beautifully that it's like a gift in itself.
We don't put lights on our house. Our one strand of lights is on the tree. If there is an extra strand, we hang it up in the kid's room.
We don't have holiday parties, and we don't go to them either. We can't afford to feed anyone else, and we don't come because we don't want to feel embarrassed and lacking.
We work on Christmas Eve, and Christmas day. We don't have a choice.
Christmas dinner with our family is usually one of three : Dinner that happens to be on Christmas, a lovely box of food donated to us, or eaten at a Church or soup kitchen.
Our Christmas wish is that next year, things are better.
The Good:
We spend several hours making ornaments and decorations with our children, to put on the tree and around the house. Paper snowflakes, paper chain garland, popcorn garland, salt dough ornaments.
Christmas lights are magical. Even for the adults.
We emphasize the true meaning of Christmas, giving and being appreciative, and spending time with family. Cop out because we can't afford gifts? Maybe, but there's nothing wrong with taking the opportunity to teach those values.
If you receive a gift from us at all, it's home made and you'd better believe HOURS of thought went in to it. We love you and want you to know that, and feel special, even if we couldn't afford to buy you something.
Every member of the family deeply appreciates any gift they receive. Clothes are almost as nice as receiving an actual toy.
We bake cookies with our children, and decorate them together.
We make hot chocolate, and stir it with candy canes.
We love Christmas music. We haven't been in the stores much, so we aren't tired of it. We sing the simple ones with our children.
We don't have to deal with Black Friday, cramped parking lots, or angry shoppers.
Even though we haven't sent out any, every Christmas card we receive gets put in a prominent place where everyone can appreciate them.
Our walls are decorated with all the Christmas pictures our kids drew. Who needs decorations?
If we can, our children get lots of "presence", even if they don't get many presents.
We believe in miracles. We hope for one every day.
We are constantly trying to find a new way to say "We don't have the money". For that tree, that wreath, that gift you want to give your friend, the tray of crystal-y Christmas cookies.
We can't participate in any gift exchanges - at work, at church, or even among our extended family. Sure, we get a gift in return, but what you don't realize is we would just do without a gift and put that money somewhere we need it more. Like a gift for our child. Or you know, food.
We completely avoid the Christmas and toy isles when we go shopping. If your kids can't see it, they won't know what they're missing.
Our Christmas tree was a gift, or there wouldn't be one. Perhaps it's a cheap tinsel triangle stapled to the wall. The ornaments were a gift, or we made them.
We have no wreath on our door. We might have a red bow, but only because it was 25 cents at Goodwill.
We don't send Christmas cards, because we can't afford the cards, envelopes, and stamps. Grandma & Grandpa may get one, but everyone else is left wondering why we don't send any year after year.
When our kids write a list to Santa, we feel obligated to explain over and over again that Santa will only bring one thing off that list. You hope that there is something cheap on there. If there isn't, you sit them down and make them write out every single last tiny thing they can think of...yes, a pencil sharpener is one of my daughter's gifts this year.
If our kids get gifts, they get one from "Santa" or they are donated. If we're doing better than usual, there might be several things from Goodwill.
IF our kids still believe in Santa, they wonder why he brings other kids so much more.
Our kids lose their belief in Santa sooner, because there are better years, and there are worse years. In worse years, destroying that belief is a better option than making them believe they were so bad, Santa didn't bring them anything.
Our gifts are wrapped in paper bags, recycled gift wrap, or in re-used gift bags. Gone are the days presents are wrapped so beautifully that it's like a gift in itself.
We don't put lights on our house. Our one strand of lights is on the tree. If there is an extra strand, we hang it up in the kid's room.
We don't have holiday parties, and we don't go to them either. We can't afford to feed anyone else, and we don't come because we don't want to feel embarrassed and lacking.
We work on Christmas Eve, and Christmas day. We don't have a choice.
Christmas dinner with our family is usually one of three : Dinner that happens to be on Christmas, a lovely box of food donated to us, or eaten at a Church or soup kitchen.
Our Christmas wish is that next year, things are better.
The Good:
We spend several hours making ornaments and decorations with our children, to put on the tree and around the house. Paper snowflakes, paper chain garland, popcorn garland, salt dough ornaments.
Christmas lights are magical. Even for the adults.
We emphasize the true meaning of Christmas, giving and being appreciative, and spending time with family. Cop out because we can't afford gifts? Maybe, but there's nothing wrong with taking the opportunity to teach those values.
If you receive a gift from us at all, it's home made and you'd better believe HOURS of thought went in to it. We love you and want you to know that, and feel special, even if we couldn't afford to buy you something.
Every member of the family deeply appreciates any gift they receive. Clothes are almost as nice as receiving an actual toy.
We bake cookies with our children, and decorate them together.
We make hot chocolate, and stir it with candy canes.
We love Christmas music. We haven't been in the stores much, so we aren't tired of it. We sing the simple ones with our children.
We don't have to deal with Black Friday, cramped parking lots, or angry shoppers.
Even though we haven't sent out any, every Christmas card we receive gets put in a prominent place where everyone can appreciate them.
Our walls are decorated with all the Christmas pictures our kids drew. Who needs decorations?
If we can, our children get lots of "presence", even if they don't get many presents.
We believe in miracles. We hope for one every day.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
I am Trisha. I don't want to be.
Hi there, I'm Trisha.
But I don't want to be. I'm only Trisha because I'm poor and have not found a way out yet. Please let me explain.
I sometimes go on reddit for entertainment. It's basically a melting pot of all the things on the internet, including news, entertainment, and personal discussions.
One of the threads I decided to post in one day was a question about growing up poor, and the effect it had on your success in adulthood. I was very honest, probably too honest, but it was for a scholarship essay so I thought I ought to give a lot of detail. Of course other people answered the question too. The time came when the young man finished his essay and asked me to read it. (I wish I could post it here, but I don't have his email anymore to ask permission.) He kindly gave us all aliases.
"We begin with a woman named Trisha from the U.S..."
He explained my situation growing up and the current state of our life. It was honestly depressing, seeing my situation outline so succinctly, with such clear similarities between my childhood, and the childhood I was giving my children. To make matters worse, the rest of the personal accounts in the essay were in comparison to mine. I was the only person in that essay who hadn't risen above poverty to make a better life.
The only one.
The others had gone on to be largely successful, using their experiences to catapult themselves into college and well paying jobs.
"Trisha has not been so fortunate,..."
It was heart breaking. Soul shattering. I was - am - so ashamed.
Please understand, I do not blame him. He wrote nothing but the facts as I had relayed them. He put in no opinions, or unkind words. The pain I felt and still feel was not his doing, it is my own, and that is the worst part.
If people from poorer and more unstable countries can escape really horrible conditions and have successful lives, why can't I? Is there something wrong with me personally, or are there other factors at play? Does where you grow up have any effect on upward mobility? What other factors can make a difference in whether or a poor youth climbs, or stagnates? I don't have answers to these questions yet.
But I don't want to be. I'm only Trisha because I'm poor and have not found a way out yet. Please let me explain.
I sometimes go on reddit for entertainment. It's basically a melting pot of all the things on the internet, including news, entertainment, and personal discussions.
One of the threads I decided to post in one day was a question about growing up poor, and the effect it had on your success in adulthood. I was very honest, probably too honest, but it was for a scholarship essay so I thought I ought to give a lot of detail. Of course other people answered the question too. The time came when the young man finished his essay and asked me to read it. (I wish I could post it here, but I don't have his email anymore to ask permission.) He kindly gave us all aliases.
"We begin with a woman named Trisha from the U.S..."
He explained my situation growing up and the current state of our life. It was honestly depressing, seeing my situation outline so succinctly, with such clear similarities between my childhood, and the childhood I was giving my children. To make matters worse, the rest of the personal accounts in the essay were in comparison to mine. I was the only person in that essay who hadn't risen above poverty to make a better life.
The only one.
The others had gone on to be largely successful, using their experiences to catapult themselves into college and well paying jobs.
"Trisha has not been so fortunate,..."
It was heart breaking. Soul shattering. I was - am - so ashamed.
Please understand, I do not blame him. He wrote nothing but the facts as I had relayed them. He put in no opinions, or unkind words. The pain I felt and still feel was not his doing, it is my own, and that is the worst part.
If people from poorer and more unstable countries can escape really horrible conditions and have successful lives, why can't I? Is there something wrong with me personally, or are there other factors at play? Does where you grow up have any effect on upward mobility? What other factors can make a difference in whether or a poor youth climbs, or stagnates? I don't have answers to these questions yet.
All I do know, is that I am Trisha, I am still poor, and I am trying to change my story.
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