Poverty Climb: Weekly Progress #3

Because of my computer issues, I wasn't able to do update #3 on time, so I'm doing it this week.

However, I am not feeling very positive. I'm sorry if that's what you came to read. It feels like the only progress that has been made this week, is backwards. Two steps back in fact.

Due to some error on somebody's part, we were over drawn $150 when my husband's paycheck hit. Out came 3 auto-pay bills instantly. There normally wouldn't be 3, but one didn't get paid last week, and so came out as soon as funds were available. After those 3 bills came out, we got gas, ate some gas station hot dogs, and went grocery shopping. After all that, a gas purchase from LAST WEEK tried to come through. I'm 98% certain it had cleared, but suddenly it was pending again. We ALMOST had enough money, like seriously pennies off, but we got an insufficient funds fee ($39.50). Because of the order everything went through, we got another NSF fee AND two overdraft fees after groceries. We are now $150 in the negative again, one day after pay day, with a week to go until we have more money.

I need a minute here to put my head in my hands...

I just feel so defeated y'all. We just can't seem to get ahead. My husband's been working over-time, and it just went to the bank. Poof. Now to catch up he will have to work more over-time, just to pay off the bank again. Poof. This shouldn't have happened, and we both realize that, but $300 of our income this month gone into thin air hurts so bad. 

Now next week we start off $150 short again, with more bills due. Our phone and internet are about to be shut off. By the time next week's disaster has passed, we will be late on our electric. We will have to pay that the following check, the one of two that a large chunk of rent is supposed to come out of. I see so much more potential for failure here, it's just suffocating. This cycle of minor errors turning into big disasters due to lack of money has worn us down.

My husband is so depressed because he barely gets to see our kids. Even though he and I spend a couple hours together when he gets home from work, because of their bedtime, he either sees them for 5 minutes or not at all when he gets home. Ones in school, and one's a baby, so I can't really adjust their schedules to give him more time. He does get two days off a week, so there's that, but I'm sure you can understand why he feels like it's not enough. And the knowledge that he's sacrificing the time with his children to work to pay off a mistake makes him (rightfully) angry. He works so hard, and honestly, the only thing we have to show for it is the basic necessities. He is working so hard just so we survive. How do we get to thriving from here?

Ugh.

The only bright spot, the only tiny little shiny thing I could find this week, is that we finally paid our last $150 loan payment. We might have to take out another one just to pay off the bank, so I am hesitant to even be happy about it, but if we somehow conquer this without doing that, then it will be a big step forward. $150 a month, split between groceries and savings. Oh my Lord, to actually have savings to turn to at a time like this...

After doing the exercise of my Reasons Vs. Excuses and seeing where I needed to make some effort, I started putting away some savings. It was $26 before the tooth fairy came last night. So here we are with less than $0 to spend, and $24 in my hands. This $24 represents me trying to fix the things that are in my control to get my family out of poverty. Here I am, torn between pretending it doesn't exist at all so I can add to it next week, or living off of it the rest of the week. It's such a small amount that it's not going to make a huge difference either way, but the thought of spending it, even for things we need, makes me feel absolutely defeated. We can't save money, because we need it too bad in the present. We won't ever get ahead if we don't have some savings for extenuating circumstances, and therefore we are screwed unless something changes.

If you're the praying sort, we could use some.

I'm hoping next week, things will look a little better.