Debt Collectors Are Just The Worst!

I always try to be nice, and judge people fairly, but my interaction with a debt collector today made me think that she took that job because she likes being nosy and judgmental. It left me feeling mad, sad, and just bad. (Hey, I'm a poet...) I just knew there had to be more in my past that would come back to bite us as we are trying to get on our feet.

After talking to several people about it, and reading similar stories on the internet, it seems like debt collectors are a perfect example of what is wrong with people's attitudes towards the poor, and makes it hard to not assume that a certain type of person is attracted to those positions. In less than 10  minutes time, she made me feel ungrateful, lazy, guilty, scummy, unworthy of respect, and just in general, not good enough. Here is a tiny excerpt from our long, horrible conversation:



Debt Collector: We need to make arrangements to pay these debts off.
Me: Yes I understand that, I'm perfectly willing, but I can't afford very muc- (rudely interrupted)
Debt Collector: Well how much CAN you afford?
Me: I can probably manage $10 a week.
Debt Collector: That is unacceptable! I have people on retirement, on a fixed income, who can pay $35 a week.
Me: That may be true, but I have a household of four and my husband is the only one working -
Debt Collector: Well are you even looking for a job to help pay the bills?
Me: Yes, I'm looking, I'm also doing other things in the meantime (she called while I was babysitting), but we've only had one car until recently and I have to find a way to get childcare-
Debt Collector: These are your debts to be paid! You owe this money for services rendered to you, and it is your responsibility to pay them.
Me: I understand that, I just told you that I would like to try and do that-
Debt Collector: (talking over me) That is unacceptable. By law I have to inform you that this is an attempt to collect a debt and any info (blah blah blah)

*click* 

Me:  Seriously??

She hung up on me! I called back immediately and got an answering machine. The message I left was basically that I had attempted to make a payment arrangement on my debts and that she refused it an hung up on me. I said I wanted that on record, although I understand that probably counts for absolutely nothing.

It doesn't matter to her that I have been trying to pay off all my debts.
It doesn't matter to her that that is all I can afford.
It doesn't matter to her that there have been expenses and challenges and circumstances that have kept me from being able to afford more.
It doesn't matter to her that these are medical bills from an injury/illness that was not under my control, and that it kept me ill and from working for a looooong time.
It doesn't matter to her that sometimes you can't just go out and "take any job you can find" and make things work.
It doesn't matter to her that I'm babysitting for cash, because I should have "a real job".
It doesn't matter to her that there are some things more important than money when you have a family, and you have to balance the two.

But these things don't matter to her, and they don't matter to anyone who judges low-income families. But, gosh darn it, it should freaking matter. I sincerely hope her, and anyone like her, never has to suffer any of these things, but I also wish everyone would do the human thing and care.

Dear Debt Collector;

I care. I care about my debt, I know that it is mine, and I know I have a responsibility to pay it back. I care about paying it back.
I also care about you, and no matter how upset you made me, I did not make you feel subhuman even though your words hinted at an attitude that is exactly that.
I hope you are really not that judgmental, because if you are, then you are exactly what is wrong with this world.

Despite that fact, I will STILL try to pay back my debt, but I'm going over your head.

Sincerely,
Trisha

Maybe she actually hates it. Maybe it really sucks to go home after a long day of work, where everyone hates you and is angry at you, but you have to pay your own bills. Maybe she's just angry because her situation was at one time desperate enough to even take a job like this. I think I prefer having sympathy for her, rather than just strongly disliking her.


Also, for anyone who is in the same situation, this is an enlightening read. This is copied and pasted from a Yahoo! question.

Can debt collection agencies refuse to set up a payment plan with you if you are trying to settle a debt?

 

I've been a bill collector for the past two years, most of that time spent in an agency that collects for hospitals. 

To answer your question: 

YES, a collection agency can refuse a payment plan. They can also take legal action (if the original creditor allows it) against you EVEN IF YOU ARE MAKING REGULAR PAYMENTS. When an account reaches the collection stage, the balance is due in full. :( 

In most circumstances, the hospital (like any other creditor) has offered their "idea" of a payment arrangement prior to her account reaching collections; Several letters and phone calls should have been made to the patient asking for some sort of repayment. If it has gone to collections, there is NO obligation the collector OR the agency to accept a minimal payment plan. 

Collectors often push debtors to take out large loans because they want an immediate commission. Don't read too much into that, it's the first thing they are motivated by: Immediate payment. 

First, talk to the insurance company. A great deal of claims are paid incorrectly and the insured is actually due more coverage than originally given. Go over every inch of her policy, and ask for the medical records to substantiate her care. Sometimes, insurance companies deny based on incorrect coding, so make sure that the line items match up to the care she received. 

If you cannot find anything to dispute in the bill or with the insurance company, your next step is actually back to the hospital. A client/creditor can pull the account from collections at any time, and they stand to make more money in the long run by collecting the bill themselves than by letting the collection agency handle it. Try to convince them that she will make arrangements directly with them, offer to sign an agreement. Getting the account out of collections as soon as possible is your goal! 

If your sister finds a way to get a loan, try it with the hospital FIRST, as the collection agency will only discount the bare minimum. Another route when dealing with the hospital would be to have your sister write a letter, explaining that she is grateful for the care she was given and include why she cannot pay. Address this letter to the Board of Directors and ask if her account can be written off to charity care. Most non-for-profit hospitals MUST give away a certain amount of free health care services each fiscal year in order to maintain their non-for-profit status. Include her recent bank statements, check stubs, utilities and rent, all of her life expenses so that the hospital can see that she has no means to pay. 

Lastly, make sure that the collection agency is not breaking the law!!! Look up the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act (FDCPA). These laws were made to protect consumers from being exploited, abused, and otherwise treated unfairly when having their bill resolved through a 3rd party. Document the name of each collector, time and date of call. Make sure that she is not being called more than once in a day, that they are not calling her place of business if she has already expressed to them that she is not allowed personal calls during work. There are also stipulations against a collection agency TELLING THE CONSUMER THAT THEY WILL TAKE ACTIONS THAT THEY HAVE NO AUTHORIZATION TO TAKE! Often, collectors will scare debtors into thinking that they will go through legal action, when in fact, the original creditor has given no such permission. Make sure that they are not giving you empty threats. 

Report any violations to the Federal Trade Commission or your State's Attorney General. That will SURELY get rid of a bill collector :) 

Sometimes, getting a bill resolved just falls under speaking with a collector who is an honest and decent person, which is very hard to find in that market. I do my job well; I service the company that I work for, but I never forget that I am there to help someone in need.  (Why couldn't I get a debt collector like this??)

Another thing I found out, is that there is a statute of limitations on debt, meaning that they can't sue you on a debt over a certain age (varies by state).  Pretty much any threat they make is empty. BUT! If they get you to make a payment on it, the statute of limitations starts over, and it is legally collectible/sue-able.  Now my debt is relatively small (no longer in the tens of thousands range), and I intend to pay it, but for someone stuck in a situation where they absolutely can't afford to, to make any kind of payment on it after the statute of limitations has passed would make things much worse for them. 

Yes, totally punishing honesty and keeping people trapped in the cycle of poverty. Way to go, bill collectors.

Ok, rant over for today. I know that was long, so thanks if you stuck with me all the way until the end. I at least hope the information helped someone, since the ranting was pretty much for my own benefit. :)

 

 

Poverty Climb: Weekly Progress #8

You';ll have to excuse me please, I know these haven't exactly been "weekly" for about a month and a half now, but I'm trying to get back on the wagon, so I'm going to leave the title the same!

As for progress this week, we are really just still riding the wave of all the progress made with our tax return. Bills are still caught up, the pantry is still full. With spring whispering to us with temperatures above freezing, we've decided we really need to focus on our health, and so have been buying a little bit healthier things to eat and making healthier meals. While there is no progress yet in terms of weight loss, just being able to focus on something other than eating purely for survival is better than a few months ago.

Sadly we did have to take some money out of savings this week, because we needed some shelves desperately, and my husband had to have a new phone for work. A smart phone. Ugh, those are ridiculously expensive! But it saves him from having to carry around big stacks of paper etc. while also trying to carry big boxes of wood. And hey, we didn't deplete it, and it was there when we needed it. I can say with 100% certainty, that we should have focused on saving money loooooooong ago. I honestly believe it makes such a big difference that may even be the key to getting out of poverty. I will elaborate on that in a future post.

Also, after posting about wanting to start a small business to help us get out of poverty, I got a lot of wonderful comments and suggestions. I am looking into/researching all of it at the moment. I'm also going to edit the post with everything I find out, because the tone of it was rather hopeless, but I want others in my position to have some when they come reading! The minute possibility that I could get a grant to start it makes my heart pound with excitement and hope. I've got to see if I can get one!! My goodness, the changes that would make. I can barely, breathlessly imagine it. To be able to share that kind of good news with others with terribly low income, but a good business idea, would be awesome.

In the meantime, I've taken on some baby sitting for extra cash, because I don't need a babysitter myself to do it! It gets a little hectic, and a lot tiring (understatement), but it's extra money.

Oh, oh! Also! Ohmygosh. A family member had a spare queen size mattress and box springs that had been waiting for us for at least a month, but we didn't have a vehicle to get it home, until our tax return came and we bought a small SUV. We brought it home last night, and I just have so say, having an honest to goodness, real bed can make everything look better. Add in the fact that it's insanely comfortable as well, and we are both in a pretty good mood today. It's not perfect, or new, but it's a real mattress and not an air mattress, so it helps both our aches and pains, and it's a pillow top, which, wow, if you've never laid on one, is amazing. I've never in my life laid on or slept on a pillow top, and y'all, it feels like you're laying on a cloud. I feel so lucky and blessed, and happy. My toddler has been sleeping through the night for about a month, and now I can too! Haha. Yay!

I want to again thank all of you who continue to read & comment, and share in my successes and challenges. Poverty is such an isolating thing most of the time, I'm super grateful to have a computer & internet to use to negate that. You've all been wonderful!

Is starting a small business a viable way of getting out of poverty? Completely viable, but not likely.

(This is not a post asking for money, rather trying to make a point, please read the whole thing!!)

Is starting a small business a viable way of getting out of poverty?

Ok, so the short answer, I believe, is yes.

Everyone has at some point heard a story of a struggling family or individual who decides to take a chance and start a business, and while they may not become "rich", they do manage to bring themselves up into a more comfortable bracket. How do they do that?

Well, I've been researching it. This is a really very simplified, superficial list, but basically -

1) You have to have a skill/talent/idea that you think would make a viable, profitable business.
2) You have to have an idea of a location that would help boost your business, instead of hinder it by limited access or exposure.
3) You have to have AT LEAST a basic understanding of financial concepts, such as cost, profit, budgets, overhead, etc. and the intelligence to learn more as your business grows.
4)You have to have at least a basic list of supplies you would need to start and sustain your business, as well as a list of suppliers of those items.
5)You need to be aware of and apply for any permits or licenses required in your county/state to operate a small business. These all cost money of course, anywhere from $40 to several hundred depending.
6) You have to have money to make money. You have to have some kind of capital, either from friends and family, savings, or a loan, in order to start your business and sustain it until it at least breaks even.

It is my belief that all of these things can be done by any reasonably intelligent person regardless of financial situation, EXCEPT of course, the last one.

The real question is, how does someone who can barely pay the rent and feed their families at the same time, come up with the money to start a business, to make the money to improve their situation?

Many business owners get their capital from friends and family investors, or business loans, again from friends or family, but mostly likely a bank.

THIS is where the poverty cycle traps people. People who are trying so hard to improve their lives the same way others have.

The friends and family members of people stuck in poverty have usually been borrowed from before, and therefore unwilling to invest, or stuck in similar financial situations and unable to. For example, the most likely person I could ask for monetary help for a small business would be my mom - but she's a retiree living on $600/mo with no savings, and credit similar to mine.

Banks are really no help to people in poverty. They see you as a giant risk, unlikely to pay off. You have bad credit, and not enough of your own income to pay them back if you go under. You can't get even a small loan without a co-signer (family & friends can't help you, where are you supposed to find one?). If you do somehow manage to find someone, you will likely be slapped with insane interest rates, which are more likely to make your business fail early when you can't afford the payments.

So, what now? Here you are, desperate, but not yet broken. You work as hard as you can for so little, despite always hearing "if you just worked harder..." Honestly, you physically cannot work any harder, but you've got this idea to work smarter. If you could just get started, there is a pretty good likelihood that if you devoted all your hard work to this idea instead of padding your employer's pockets, that you could literally and measurably improve your life and the life of your family, and yes, even the life of others. All you need is just enough money to start.

Again the question, how does someone who can barely pay the rent and feed their families at the same time, come up with the money to start a business, to make the money to improve their situation? The answer is, they don't. Not without a lot of luck, or winning the lottery.

I've heard so many people sneer at the poor for spending money on lottery tickets. And I'm not even talking about the super big life-of-luxury jackpot, we all know that the chances are so small as to be nil, I'm talking about scratch-offs and daily prizes. We play for a chance at a much smaller prize. My "grand dream" is just to be able to support my family well with all our hard work.

$5000 would give me the chance I need to make my business happen and make it so that I can support my family. Me, and so many others. Just that much. A bigger sum would help it happen faster, but a smaller sum would probably just go to bills and groceries.

When your fairly secure in your finances, it is so easy to look them and say, "You need to be spending that money someplace else." Factually true I suppose, but when your poor you see it this way - $10 will buy my whole family one extra meal this week, or $10 buys us the chance to never be hungry again - which would you chose?

You could send your kids to college and help them break the poverty cycle of your family for good. You could go to the food bank as a donor instead of as a case. You wouldn't ever again find yourself eating around rotten spots on food just to make sure none goes to waste and you get a little bit more to eat.  All you need is a (relatively) small lump sum to get your supplies, and location, and permits.And that, sadly, is completely out of reach for the poor.

Did you hear that sound? It was the sound of so many dreams being crushed.



So, for now, I will occasionally spend $5 hoping to win a small prize. And I will wait until next tax season in the hopes that we can use our return to really improve our lives instead of on things we need short term. Or the tax return after that. Or the next. And IF I ever get that lump sum to start my business, and my business does as well as I think it will, and I can grow my business and my profits, and finally be at the point of "thriving"....I'm going to offer small business loans to poor people, no credit score required! Five to ten thousand dollars is not too much to risk to help people help themselves.

Poverty Climb: Weekly Progress #7

Please excuse the lack of posts this last couple weeks, I've been sick with a toothache that happened to actually be a sinus infection, that turned into a respiratory infection. I'm still a little under the weather, but feeling better!

I am feeling cautiously triumphant. February has been a good month. We got our tax return, and for two precious, gleeful weeks, we got to live like people without money problems.
We got to have a little fun, AND pay bills, and pay off debt, and buy some things we need, some things we wanted,etc. etc., all at the same time. No precarious balancing, no suffering in one area to meet a need in another. No sleepless midnight conversations about how-in-the-hell-are-we-going-to-make-it.

There has been lots of progress (for once!!)

*Paid off $600 bank debt (thus keeping it from damaging credit).
*Paid off $285 bank debt (thus keeping it from damaging credit).
*Paid ALL of our bills, everything past due and current. That was at least $1200!
*Replaced the money we spent in our savings account, and added another $100.
*Bought a second vehicle. Hooray! Hopefully this allows us a few more financial (and fun) opportunities.
*Put all new tires on our first vehicle (they were very bad).
*Bought some clothes we all needed, mostly pants and socks.
*Bought groceries like it was the end of the world. Stocked the pantry completely (flour, canned goods, rice). Bought some healthy foods (mushrooms, lettuce, fruit) and others we haven't had the opportunity to have much of (fish, meat, sauces, cheese, etc.). There of course were a few treats too.
*Bought some of our individual hobby related items. With 6 more inches of snow last night and no sign of spring, we will have plenty of time to fill with hobbies. And while some of it was expensive, it will be our entertainment and stimulation for a long while!


Of course, it's all gone now, and I know that very soon I'll be missing this very badly as I scrimp to make dinner for my family again. I will treasure, and miss, that precious time spent with my family, smiles on all our faces, because we had so little stress. That is what I want, that is what I strive for - not the money itself, but the happy moments that you are allowed when your family in thriving. It's so much harder to manufacture those when you are struggling.
I am deliriously happy that we used the majority of the money to improve our circumstances, but in hind-sight, I can't help wondering what we might have done to improve them even more. Like I dunno, buy stock? Start a Roth IRA? Use it to start a business of some kind? I really have no idea what people who are used to money do to grow theirs, but I've heard all these terms and wonder if we should have done something else. We have some really big dreams for a low income family, and really we only fulfilled our little dreams - more food, more comforts, less debt, more security, a second vehicle. I just really hope those are the giant stepping stones to thriving that we hope they are!

Poor Helping the Poor - Long!

I have a need in me to do good in the world. Hopefully most people do. I honestly believe that is what we were put on the earth for. Certainly if you're a Christian, you know there are many bible verses dedicated to calling everyone in to service to help the needy - the poor, the orphans, the widows. I subscribe to the idea that it is everyone's job to help the poor, regardless of your station in life. But, what if you are "the poor"?

Do you take advantage of people's generosity and social programs, and promise to yourself that when you're in a better position you will help those like you? I know I do. Every single time I shamefully wheel my cart of gifted groceries to the car, I gratefully make a promise in my mind that when we "get on our feet", I will do something to help those in need like I have been. But honestly, truthfully - that is an excuse. I am in a better position than I was in my childhood, so I should still be helping those less fortunate than I. We should all be helping each other. I know that as caring, loving human brothers and sisters you probably feel the same way. I hope at least!

That really leaves me, and others like me, in a pickle though. We want to help others but it barely seems as if we can even help our selves. Those weeks when I have to feed 4 people on $20, I cannot spare $5 to send to starving African children no matter how much I want to, or someone in my family will either be hungry, or not have diapers! (I can't wait to potty train.) When we have to borrow money for gas from family just to make sure my husband can make it to work, I cannot spare any money to send to any charities, much less drive anywhere to volunteer like a soup kitchen. And yet, I cannot escape this feeling that I should be doing SOMETHING. Everyone knows there are varying shades of poor, and so even though I still qualify, I should be doing something to help the situation.

Even the poor, can help the poorer. The rich help those like them get richer, so why not? And that's why they often succeed in increasing each other's wealth. If we all helped each other as much as we could, even though we are financially poor, how much could we accomplish? Maybe nothing? But, maybe something.

So I have been exploring what I personally can do to help others despite our situation. I have frustratingly discarded many ideas that cost more than I can spare, or require driving more than a few miles away. This is the small list I have come up with. Since it applies specifically to me and my circumstances, it may not that helpful to you, but maybe at least it can generate some ideas or plant that seed that grows into generosity.

1. Volunteer within an organization. I joined a church. It is within walking distance, so that's good for me. The church has a few programs in our community, and a small number of farther reaching ones. While I can't afford the money to feed homeless people, I can certainly volunteer my time or skills with the rest of the church volunteers. They have more flexibility in funds to be able to do things, so I shall just lend my hands to help. If you are not religious and don't go to church, they will still happily except the donation of your time for their programs. Helping the needy is helping the needy, it is not an agreement that you accept their doctrine or anything, so if you have some of the roadblocks I do, get in touch with a church! Salvation Army's and Goodwill both depend on volunteer services too, so maybe you could call and find out what you can do.

2. Volunteer on your own.  Besides volunteering with my church, I would love to go the the elder care homes around here and just maybe visit with some of the tenants. It is so lonely to be old. As far as I know, there is not a children's home/orphanage nearby, but there was where I grew up. If there is one near you, I'm sure they would have a list of any number of things you could do.

3. Donating items/time. I have very little in good condition that I can donate, but like any first world person, I do have certain things that I have too much of (tupperware, anyone?). I am going to sacrifice a few coats, a few hats, and anything else I have more of than I need.
 Remember you can donate a lot more than just money, food, or clothing! Think outside of the donation box! :)  Toiletries are ALWAYS in need, diapers & wipes, old or excess furniture, blankets, toys, books, and sewing supplies are things that I can think of off the top of my head.. For anything you use regularly, there is someone who can't afford it.
Thinking of unique items to donate would have an enormous impact. Fishing supplies in an area where it's viable could supply entertainment and food! Seeds or container gardens could do the same thing. Pre-paid phone cards are pretty much worth their weight in gold to anyone in jail or the hospital, or who simply cannot afford to keep their phone on. Gas cards are the same. I have been denied food stamps before because I couldn't get to the library to make the copies to give to the office! Feminine hygiene products and condoms are so over-looked it's ridiculous. Batteries! I have given away items I actually needed before simply because I could not afford to feed them batteries.

And don't forget, sometimes your time is the most valuable, important thing of all.

4. Donating money. By all means, if you are able, go ahead and donate money to a local or large charity, because they can certainly put that where it will do the most good. Consider donating to those that benefit third world countries first though, because it takes a lot less money to make a difference in the lives of those people than it does in developed countries.

5. Help the individuals you know, even if you don't know them well. I am going to babysit one day a week for a neighbor so she can go to school. On the other side of me is an older neighbor who has lots of trouble getting up and down the stairs to the washers and dryers. Next time I go to the laundromat, I'm going to ask her if I could take some of her stuff for her. She'll probably say no the first time (she doesn't really like the fact that we have a loud family and thin walls), but maybe if I keep offering she'll take me up on it when she really needs to. Do you know someone that could use a ride to the laundromat, or the grocery store, or the library? Do you know someone elderly that could use a meal, or their prescriptions from the pharmacy? Someone that could use a babysitter but can't pay you?

6. Open your mouth in support. If nothing else, you can write congressmen or support legislation that improves poverty. You can also speak out when programs people need are cut, like SNAP and Medicare. Open a dialogue with your church about some programs that might benefit the community. Ask your child's school about doing a fundraiser for under privileged students. "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."

7. Do something.

Thank you for reading, and if you have any other ideas that myself or others could use, feel free to post them in comments!

I'm not sure where I'm going with this...

I have spent most of my 30 odd years in degrees of poverty varying from destitute to just plain low income. My childhood was undoubtedly the worst in terms of *how* poor, but lately, it *feels* worse because of the stress and worry of having children to care for and constantly feeling like I'm not doing good enough. That, and I am much more aware of our circumstances and what it feels like to be stuck for the foreseeable future.

When I was a kid I knew we were poor, but I didn't yet have anything to compare it to, so I just thought that's the way things were. I mean, I knew some people lived differently of course. There was a single nice house in our neighborhood, that had been there before it became a trailer park. It was two stories, and white with blue shutters. It had a back porch, and a big yard, and a high fence around it. I was lucky enough to be friends with one of the kids that lived there, and got to swim in their big blue pool, so I knew that was different for some people. I was just pretty certain that this was how things were for us, and didn't give it much more thought unless something bad happened. I know now that my parents were acutely aware of our situation, and it must certainly have been so much harder for them.

As a kid, I knew that I hated spending hours with my mom trimming moldy, rotten strawberries in order to leave some morsels worth eating. As an adult, I've felt, piercingly, that pain that comes from not being sure if I can feed my children. The stress, the worry, the feeling of inadequacy. You can bet I've cooked many a questionable thing to make sure we all had something to eat. It kills me to have to do that, but the difference is I don't tell my family or have them help. There are still times though that I have to tell my daughter that she can't have more to eat because we have to save some food for Daddy, and no, I can't give you anything else because then I will be using up what is supposed to feed us tomorrow...She is healthy and not malnourished, and eats plenty, but it still feels really wrong to turn away a kid who wants more to eat.

As a kid, I knew I hated being teased and bullied for how I looked and the clothes I wore and where I lived. As an adult, I make it point to make sure my kids have clean, nice clothes. Even so, they both have items they could use more of. Pants, tights, socks. They have just enough to make do, but I wish I could give them more. Sure they may still get teased (kids suck that way), but it won't ever be for wearing dirt, ratty clothes. It is really hard sometimes, but thrift stores are a lot nicer these days, and carry nicer things, so it's easier than when I was a kid. Plus my kids are lucky to have very generous family. They might still get teased for not wearing brand names or something, but I hope to at least give them enough self esteem and awareness to know that their worth is not dependent on how much their clothes cost.

As a kid, I knew I felt jealous that other kids had nicer things; nicer toys, nicer bikes, a Lisa Frank trapper keeper. As an adult, sometimes I struggle to give my kids nice things. Big stores like Wal-mart make that much easier (sadly sometimes at the expense of child labor!), but all in all, it's easier for my girls to have nice toys etc. for less money than when I was a kid. Still, there are many times a month where my oldest asks for something, and I tell her no, and she asks why. Rather than fabricate a lie about her behavior, I find the only honest answer I can give, is we don't have the money. It pains me, especially since we are riding a roller coaster right now, sometimes it's something pretty small and inexpensive that we could have afforded the week before, but can't now. I can tell the day is coming soon where she will quit asking because she already knows the answer. I remember that feeling. I don't want my children to have it.

As a kid, I knew I hated our neighborhood, hated our trashy house, and dreamed about moving in with my grandmother who had a relatively new, nice house with a white sofa and white carpeting. As an adult, I feel minutely every bit of guilt and shame and disappointment that sometimes we have to live in a crappy place because we can't afford better.

Sometimes, it seems as if I've doomed my children to the childhood I had, and it kills me. Ignorance may not be bliss, but knowing just how bad things are, and how much worse they can get, is a torture of it's own. It's the almost unbearable burden of parents in a poor family. Being responsible for the well being and happiness of others, and not being able to meet that responsibility, is soul crushing.

Many people say money isn't everything. Money can't buy happiness. Focus on the riches you do have, like family. I do, I swear I do, but I don't want more money just for money's sake, I want it so I can feel good about taking care of my children and free them from worries they shouldn't have. I want to give them every chance of a good life and happiness. I want them to have every chance that they deserve, instead of only the ones they can afford to get. And it is so ridiculously hard to do without more money. Sure the child in me wants to give them everything I never had, but the adult in me, the parent, wants to first give them the things they deserve as human beings, and I'm not certain that I can...

Poverty Climb: Weekly Progress #6

Well if you've read my posts this week, you know that most of our progress this week has been backwards, bleh! However, the whole point of these is to focus on the forward progress we're making.

*Our tax return is filed & sent! We were able to deduct the cost of moving back in Oct. so that helped raise our refund a bit. I was very, very conservative on the cost of our cross-country move because I know that I don't have the paperwork they would require for all of it if we were audited. I wish I could have deducted more, but I think it's better to be safe than audited and be wrong!

*Another $25 paid towards our bank debt. Hooray!

*Even though it feels like such a negative thing that our savings account is empty, we are actually lucky that for the first time we even had some savings to use being behind on rent. Our landlord never charges us late fees, but it always messes up the next month's budget (and he gets cranky) if we are behind. It's always a bit of a domino effect when we get behind on rent, because catching up on it means taking the money from other places where it needs to go. So, the cup is half full, we had savings to use instead of getting further behind.

*My husband is still working over time. It's not much hours wise, but it makes a difference on his check. I know he hates it, and its hard for me & the kids not to see him much, but I admire him so much for doing it anyways. I count that as progress, because even if it's just 3 hours overtime, that's an extra $54. That's either gasoline or groceries!


Also, this doesn't have much with our personal progress, I just wanted to say thank you to all those that read, and especially those that comment. There is no handbook for getting out of poverty, so I guess I'm trying to make one for others through my experiences. You all keep me going, and give helpful advice, and just make me feel less alone in the struggle. So, thank you!