I'm scrambling eggs at the stove. My mind is occupied with the ten thousand things I feel like I have to do today, from washing the mountain of dirty dishes, to re-potting a cactus.
My daughter is eating her cereal at the table (because eggs, ewwww). The TV is on in the background and the house is full of sounds of our morning rush.
"Mommy, if you have a bless-full life, do you live longer on earth?"
After clarifying what she means, I explain that we all get a certain number of years here on earth, but that most people live to be somewhere between eighty and one hundred.
"Do they celebrate birthdays in heaven?"
I explain that no one has birthdays there, but I'm sure there are lots of parties; everyone is happy.
"So in heaven everyone is happy, and everything is free and nothing costs money."
I don't even remember how I responded. I stirred the eggs with a heavy heart.
To my daughter, heaven is a place where mom and dad don't say,
"No you can't have that, we don't have the money".
"No, we can't go, we don't have enough money for all of us."
"No, you can't go to your friend's birthday party, we can't afford the gas money."
It was a simple thing, but it hit me really hard for some reason. Heaven should mean more than that. Maybe that's my fault.
But I would really like to be able to say yes to her more.
Trisha, can you make it appear as if you're saying yes to her? For instance, when you make out your shopping list can you afford to tell her that she can choose one fruit or one vegetable? Then ask her how she would like to cook "her" item for the family. Little ones love to cook with mom and dad, and she'd have the appearance and satisfaction of getting to choose some thing to buy. For toys and other "wants", carry a small notebook with you. When she says "I like this, Mommy, can we buy it?" respond with "Oh, that looks interesting...we can't buy it today, but tell me what you like about it, and we'll write it on the list for later." (You can see that the list gets to the appropriate people...grandparents, etc. when birthdays or Christmas come around.) Remember that from a very young child's perspective, Mommy and Daddy get to buy something EVERY TIME they are in a store, and she doesn't. By giving a choice of fruit or vegetable (to be decided on in advance, with, perhaps, the aid of the store sales flyer), you can change that experience for her from one where Mommy has to say no to one where Mommy lets her choose something for the whole family.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your suggestions. I think I have allowed myself to get so worn down that sometimes I don't even bother to try and think of a way to not say no! This was an awesome reminder, and some genuinely great ideas. Thank you!
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